Poisoned Butterflies
by GrimmKitten
Summary: AU Custom modern setting. A series narrating the first interactions of a human Karkat and John, living as neighbors, and at the wee age of 7. Hilarity and awkwardness ensues. Slight Shounen-Ai, just to let you know.
1. Introduction

**Title: Poisoned Butterflies  
**

**Series: Homestuck**

**Rating: PG-13 (For Karkat's characteristic foul mouth)  
**

**Word Count: 1,136  
**

**Notes: Modern AU. A bit o' Shounen-Ai tween Johnny boy and his totally not homosexual rival Karkat. Karkat's the new neighbor with a preference for dark things and going around wearing little horns and vampire teeth, whereas John prances around with a wind sock on his head chasing butterflies. Let's just say a little friendly neighbor rivalry never hurt anyone ^-^**

* * *

The days were bright, sparkly even, not a cloud in the sky, with a bit of a breeze to shuffle the stacking warmth building up between the sun and earth. The grass glistened, pastel flowers bent softly, dancing to the chirps of the spring birds perching in the numerous trees gracing the street. Squirrels and little brown rabbits sniffled and pranced in the lawns between the closely spaced houses, hiding in the glossy-leafed bushes and nibbling on plentiful garden vegetation.

Comfy little houses, most only one story tall, sat comfortably close together, where one could easily tap on the neighbors window from ones own and give the neighbor a cheery hello and a polite query as to the welfare of the wife and kids. The houses were smartly painted similar colors, husky grays and natural brown edgings, giving a very homey, village in the forest sort of mood. The street was naturally a cul-de-sac, and seated at the head of the proverbial nature-loving, perfectly content table that was the street mysteriously named "Sburb", were two very different houses now belonging to two very different families.

The house on the left was anything but bright, fluffy, comfy, or even remotely homey. Custom-built and finished only a few weeks prior, it now housed a family of people the neighbors down the street would happily call "eccentric". It was stacked into multiple stories, in odd shapes and design, but retained the normalcy of being seated only a couple feet from its neighbors, with a generous back and front yard which were now filled with dark, poisonous-looking vines and bushes. The house itself, despite being oddly shaped, continued to deviate from the norm by being painted a deep black and violent shade of crimson. The few windows that were placed asymmetrically across the home had thick curtains drawn over folded blinds. The stretch of rough concrete connecting the rest of the street to the house's thick black door was not one frequently traveled. Unknowingly, there was another normalcy in that the only side window on the house was placed directly across from the neighbors.

And that brings us to the house on the right. The epitome of what the community could only dream to be, a perfectly happy home fit for raising armloads of bright, naive, and optimistic children. Of which it only raised one, and the family grown there could only be described as "Eccentric, but not like the other eccentric. Yes, much different." It was humbly stacked into three stories, nearly matching the height of its gloomy neighbor, and painted a different color on each side of the house. The front was a lovely shade of sky-blue, the left side facing the dark house was a passionate pink, the right side a virulent green, and the rear a glowing orange. Numerous large windows speckled the sides of the house, pouring light and the friendly gazes of the neighbors into its interior. The only average sized window sat on its left side, directly opposite the coincidental window of the gloom house. Its gracious lawns were a grand meadow of wildflowers and vegetation fit for quiet forests filled with peaceful wildlife. A single garden gnome surrounded by rainbow pinwheels sat happily to the side of the glass fitted front door on a small porch, bearing an armful of happy critters and wearing a hat the size and general shape of a pumpkin. Many cheery faces greeted this gnome, for the winding white path of cobbled stones that connected the stained glass door and small porch to the street was one taken frequently by the community.

One of the only similarities these two reigning houses held besides the inconsequential opposite windows, was that they both held families of three, the single child of each being an impressionable young boy the age of 7.

* * *

Karkat hated bright things. It seemed to be his goal in life to just simply _loathe_ things that make people happy. This tendency, this outlook on life can easily be derived from the state of his home.

It was not filled with comfortable furniture, laughter, family photos, music, the smell of freshly baked cookies, or boxes of toys. It was filled with shelves upon shelves of books of the horror or mystery genre, giant paintings of brooding relatives, dimly lit lamps, dark plush rugs, hard cold tile, and silence. Karkat's room contained merely his small, yet surprisingly comfortable bed fitted with dark, thick blankets and a single pillow, and his desk, which was covered in books, small knick-knacks, and a laptop computer. Unfortunately, his bed was pushed up against the wall marred by the window facing the neighbors house, and it was too heavy for Karkat to move. It stayed there, for he would not lower himself to the prospect of asking for help in the transition of his bed either.

Karkat, besides having the career at the age of 7 of detesting life, enjoyed some aspects of happiness. He just found it in places the average person would rather not think about.

He enjoyed darkness, misery, a fake horn head-band he received from an old neighbor he used to live by named Sollux, reading the gloomy books scattered throughout the house, a crude vocabulary stuck to a short temper, and a morbid sense of optimism. Things could only get worse, and he happily expected that.

Karkat had just moved into the house on the left with his frequently absent parental units a few days ago, and tended to the dark house with only the companionship of his pet Siamese cat Lusus. The first few days were mercifully silent, allowing him the time to adjust to his new living arrangements and get in some valuable reading time. Unfortunately, it did not last forever.

* * *

**Heehee, my first posted fanfic, and it's Homestuck . Sorry if things turn out a little OOC, but I'm building their personalities as they're younger, and I'm planning on making a sequel where they're older and whatnot, and things can get a little more romantisticky and stuff. ^-^**


	2. Child's Manipulations

**Title: Poisoned Butterflies  
**

**Series: Homestuck**

**Rating: PG-15? (For Karkat's characteristic foul mouth)  
**

**Word Count: 1,784  
**

**

* * *

**

Karkat's silence was broken. Someone had rudely interrupted his quiet time by ringing the house's gothic doorbell. Over and over again. And they would not stop. He decided quickly their fate. They must die.

Karkat grumpily tossed his legs over the side of his bed, carefully discarding his thick tomb of god-knows-what and scurrying quickly down the stairs to the front door. He threw it open with a bang and bellowed, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?"

A small young boy clad in a pair of wrinkled khaki shorts, colorful band-aids, galoshes, and a blue wind-sock tucked on to the top of his head grinned maniacally at him with flushed cheeks through the doorway, unaffected by the vulgarity of Karkat's greeting. The boy seemed to vibrate, whether it was his feet shifting his weight back and forth or his arms swinging, he never seemed to stop moving. He performed a strange little hop before speaking in a high, sing-song lilting voice, "Hullo, my name's John! Do you wanna play with me?" His black eyes glittered adorably and his smile radiated warmth and friendship.

Karkat stared at this specimen of everything he loathed bunched together into one being with a look of incredulous disbelief etched on to his face. The boy, John, tilted his head a bit and clapped his hands behind his back, the breeze gently tossing the stray black locks of hair peeking out from under his unusual head adornment.

Karkat blinked once, then promptly slammed the door shut. He moved to return to his room to finish his book, but he hadn't taken two steps before the doorbell began screaming bloody murder. Whirling around in a building rage, Karkat stomped forward and threw open the door once more.

"GO AWA-AARGHBLUTHFSHUPUF!" John tackled Karkat down to the entryway's plush rug, crouching over him with a small squirt-gun aimed at his face. John smirked playfully, plopping down on to Karkat's chest, causing him to wheeze painfully.

"You're under arrest for bein' a stick in the mud, buster!" John prodded Karkat's cheek with the tip of the gun, which was leaking haphazardly all over the floor.

"BLARGHFSHMERTZ-GET OFFA ME YOU IGNORANT SQUID'S ASS!" Karkat writhed on the floor beneath his attacker, arms pinned to his sides by the boy's legs. John, effectively ignoring Karkat's distress and choice words, became distracted by the candy corn colored horns budding from Karkat's head. His eyes widened and he reached forward tentatively, fingertips brushing their tips. "Woah..." he breathed, slightly stroking Karkat's fake horns. Karkat stopped struggling for a moment to catch his breath, shaking his head to dislodge the boys grubby hands and stray water droplets that were tickling down his neck. The boy was like a fucking _rock_ for crying out loud! Of course, Karkat's lack of physical activities might have contributed to his weakness at the moment, but he would never admit that. Karkat glared up at the slightly shorter boy and snarled,

"What do you _want_, you crazy pubescent brat! GET OFF!" Karkat wiggled some more and managed to kick his knee up high enough to jab John in the back. John squealed and lurched forward, narrowly missing Karkat's face with the gun as he reflexively shot his hands forward to catch himself. Karkat took advantage of their new close proximity to jerk upward and head butt John in the face, causing him to jump back slightly then slowly roll off, dazed and moaning.

Karkat sat up, rubbing his forehead gently and glowering at the pile of limbs sprawled out next to him. Thinking quickly for someone who had just bashed their head into something of equal density, Karkat confiscated the gun and stood up to roll the nasty little creature out through the doorway.

John blinked slowly, trying to figure out why the world was spinning, and felt the bump of the doorway pinch his side before he toppled over on to the rough sidewalk in front of the door. Karkat sniffed haughtily at the stunned child sprawled on his doorstep, blinking dazedly and mumbling incoherently, and turned to go back inside. He turned to grab the door and glanced at the object of his new found hatred and slammed the door again before heading back to his book in peace. "Crazy ass neighborhood and it's crazy ass stupid little punks..."

John lay there for what seemed like hours. Not because he was still dazed, but because there were these real pretty butterflies fluttering around the poisonous shrubberies lining the side of the house, and they passed over him, hopping from one bush to the other. It was mesmerizing.

Karkat skimmed his reading material, still half-way irritated at the earlier interruption and not yet ready to calm down.

Lusus, his cat, meowed and prowled around on the bed, rubbing its cheek on his shoulder before hopping down gracefully and exiting the room. Karkat noted this as insignificant until the cat meowed again, right outside his door. He absentmindedly glanced at his door before continuing his read, then got up with a frustrated groan when the cat yeowled and pranced around outside his door. "What the fuck do you want? I can't have any peace at ALL!" Karkat grouched and whined but followed his faithful companion back down the stairs. In passing the front door on the way to the kitchen to obviously feed his fat ass cat, Karkat heard noises from the other side of the door.

"You're so pretty, oh so pretty, you're so pretty and witty and AWESOME!" John's voice got higher and higher and Karkat stopped by the door, a pained look on his face. "That stupid motherfucker is still _here_?" Karkat stepped forward and pulled open the door, his cat calmly sitting off to the side watching him. John lay where he had left him, staring up at the sky, hands flailing above him in a strange sort of conductors choreography. Karkat stood staring at him for a few moments, wondering when he was going to notice that the front door was open again. John continued to sing off-key, throwing his arms about and trying to catch the purple-black butterflies taunting him from above.

"You. Off my property. Now." Karkat leaned against the door frame, trying to look intimidating despite his age and size. John looked towards him, eyes widening in surprise. He grinned and scrambled to his feet, a red mark still apparent on his forehead from their earlier collision.

"Hi again! You gonna play with me now?" John used the puppy face again, glittering eyes and all, and inched forward in tiny steps. Karkat glowered, arms crossed, but his temper didn't flare quite as high as it did before. "No. Now go away." John's smile wilted a little this time, and he scuffed his toe against the ground, his hands behind his back. His wind-sock hat fluttered in the small breeze, making him look ridiculous, and Karkat put on a slightly bemused expression. "W-well...can I have my toy back then?" John looked a bit like a kicked puppy this time, and even Karkat's thickened hide couldn't resist a tiny bit of cuteness contamination.

Karkat remembered the squirtgun, and realized he had stuck it in his back pocket. Feeling stupid and realizing that the gun had a leak, he reached behind him nonchalantly and felt his pocket. It was wet. And the spot was large. How much water was in there anyway?

Blushing in humiliation, Karkat scowled and began closing the door again, "No! Now go away before I set my guard dog on you!" John sniffled, eyes welling up in unshed tears as he continued staring at Karkat. Karkat winced, and realized that this kid was a first-class manipulator with a hide made of rubber. He'd used several tactics to try to get him out of the house, first by being polite, then by using force, and now he was using dirty tricks. It probably wouldn't do him any good to deny him much longer. Who knows what he would do next? He might steal his cat for ransom or something. Not that he would pay. But still, it would be inconvenient.

Karkat shuddered, but gave in to the boys manipulation. He glared at him for a moment before growling, "Fine. I'll play with you gogdammit. Just let me change first so I don't get slimey grub shit all over my good clothes."

John shrieked in victory, punching the air and performing his lucky dance, which made his hat twirl quite ridiculously. Karkat sighed and debated on closing the door and leaving him out there. John finished his dance before he could decide and tumbled into the door, rolling over Karkat's toes and into the front hall. He came to a stop sitting up, legs akimbo, and looked at his surroundings in awe.

Karkat cursed under his breath, flexing his wounded toes before shutting the door and stomping up the stairs to his room. He paused half-way up and turned towards the still idle boy child examining the front entryway. "Don't. Touch. _Anything_. If anything breaks or ends up disappearing, I will personally gut you and make a cello out of your stinking carcass." John smiled at him in response and rolled around on the rug, yelping when his skin touched the cold wet spots from earlier.

Lusus purred and followed Karkat up to his room, positively pleased with itself. Karkat turned to shut his door and glared at his cat. _Traitor._ He then began the delicate process of exchanging his clothes with those in his closet. He froze with his shirt two thirds of the way over his head when he heard a thump and a yelp from below. _Ah shit._

_

* * *

_

**Heeheehee...I felt like I kind of went around in circles here... I'm most likely not doing this right because I'm not planning any of this, it's all just coming out as I get to it, thus the endless cycle of doors slamming and John being irritating and weird. IT could also be that it's almost 5 o'clock in the morning...but yeah...I'm not real tired...yet...zzzzZZzzz**

**

* * *

**

NOTE: I've decided to work seriously on this, so please wait a little longer for the next chapter. ^-^ I promise it will be much longer and better written this time round, so be looking forward to it!


	3. Enter: The Sun

Rating: Why do I even bother, Karkat's a potty mouth with a bad case of the f-word.

* * *

Karkat managed to make it back down the stairs wearing a pair of almost-embarrassingly-short shorts (a gift from his badass scary cousin that had the habit of using a tube of lipstick as a formidable weapon against muggers and innocent bystanders - they were the only clean pair in his drawers for some reason [he suspected foul play at the hands of said cousin, but hell, he needed shorts, and fast])and a black shirt with a cool as hell design on it that he had pulled from one of his astronomy books before John broke anything else. He found him sitting in his living room on one of his father's expensive rugs, twitching suspiciously and not looking at him. Karkat approached him, a deep scowl set into his face as he searched his peripheral vision for missing artifacts. John giggled nervously as Karkat came within arms-reach. Karkat glared down at him for a moment before exploding into his version of a child's tantrum.

"I let you into my house under strict orders to not break anything, after having put me through HELL, and what do you do? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU AND YOU'RE BREAKING MY SHIT LIKE A GODDAMN GRANDMOTHER ON CRACK BEATING A FUCKING CIRCUS MONKEY. HOLY FUCKING PANTS OF GOG AND HIS FUCKING FILTHY CONCUBINES FROM HELL. WHAT DID YOU BREAK YOU SNIVELING TOAD'S EGG SACK?" Karkat flailed his arms, his face turning red and mottled as he expressed his anger. John blinked up at him, lower lip trembling and his eyes starting to shine with tears. Karkat fumed, glad to be angry at something tangible for once. His father wouldn't care if John had actually managed to break something valuable, he was hardly home anyway. He was yelling because he _could_. For some odd reason, being angry with a purpose made him feel _alive_. Which was weird.

John scrubbed at his eyes, whimpering softly and tugging the hem of his sock-hat down a little farther on his forehead to cover his face. Karkat nearly punched himself in the eye right then out of reflex. He felt _alive_? What-the-HEll. WHAT A SICK TWISTED FUCK HE WAS. He'd just reduced some poor kid he didn't even _know_ close to tears because he probably broke something that wouldn't be missed anyway. He's a _kid_ for crying out loud! He's only-...hold on. How old is this guy anyway? What kinda preschooler goes up to some stranger's house and walks on in at the tip of a hat? This child's sense of self-preservation needed rectifying, immediately.

Karkat glanced around sheepishly before crouching down to John's eye-level and prodding his shoulder with a small finger. "...Hey, kid," John peered at Karkat through his fingers before looking away quickly and tugging down harder on his weird hat. Karkat frowned at the tears slipping down his cheeks. Well SHIT. Being angry at a giggling goofball is one thing, but tears? He'd had some sort of a plan a few seconds ago, when John hadn't been ALL THE WAY crying, but this, Karkat didn't know how to handle this.

He plopped down, crossing his legs and putting his hands shamefully in his lap. He stared at the floor next to his right foot, which was to his left cause he's legs were crossed and was not to be confused with his left foot which was on his right side cause...HEY. Enough stalling jack-ass. Karkat stared at the rug on the ground to his LEFT and got really quiet. Which is unusual considering he was trying to say something, and being quiet is all, you know, the EXACT OPPOSITE. John whimpered, causing Karkat to flinch slightly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking softly, "Hey...I'm sorry...It's ok if you did break something...I didn't mean to make you cry..."

_Everything_ got quiet. Karkat waited a few moments, then slowly cracked one eye open. He caught a flash of movement and both eyes shot open, wider than usual, and he began to yell in surprise and jump back but was caught by the flying pounce-tackle performed expertly by little John. Karkat squeaked, struggling to breath as he lay on the floor, torso constricted by John's surprisingly strong limbs. John squeezed and hummed contentedly before releasing the top half of Karkat's body in order to sit up. He quirked his head to the side and cracked open a bright smile on his face, no sign of his earlier tears anywhere to be seen. Karkat wheezed, his arms still stuck to his sides by John's knees. Wow. This was becoming a habit wasn't it? Getting tackled to the floor and whatnot.

"You're so nice! I wanna be you're friend FOREVAH!" John fell back down on Karkat's chest and hugged him some more. Karkat...well, he had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on. As he struggled for breath, he glimpsed from the corner of his eye a pile of shiny porcelain laying brushed under a lamp table a little ways off. Of course, it had to be his mother's vase. Oh well, not like she'll ever find out. Or care. Or...whatever she does...

John finally released Karkat from his innocent means of torture and leaped off him into the air. His galoshes squeaked as he landed, hands on hips style, beside the dazed horned boy. "Ok then! You finally ready to go?"

Karkat stared up at him for a few moments, trying to process the past several seconds through his poor oxygen-deprived brain. How in the _hell_ did this boy do it? One minute he's crying, the next he's bouncing off the walls ready to play. Karkat experienced suddenly the quite strong urge to just scream. But, he didn't. Instead, he took several deep breaths and sat up, readjusting his horns and flicking his bangs off his eyes. John cheered spontaneously and ran a circle around Karkat, his galoshes squeaking bloody-murder and his sock hat fwapping Karkat in the face, wrapping around his head and neck as John ran round and round. Flustered and frustrated, Karkat got up and peeled the really long wind-sock-hat thing off his person, flinging it after John, where it fluttered down to his knees as he turned one last time to face Karkat. He bounced on the balls of his feet, giving Karkat an impatient huff, "Come on! Let's go~"

Karkat grumbled, found his shoes, and followed John out of his house reluctantly.

* * *

Karkat screamed childishly and covered his eyes as John pushed him out the door for what seemed like the thirtieth time in the past 5 minutes.

The Sun is not a forgiving mistress when neglected, so it seems.

"NO! TOO DAMN BRIGHT! GODDAMN MOTHER-FUCKING SUN SUCKS ASS! OH MY GOG LET ME BACK INSIDE YOU STUPID MOTHER-FUCKING MORON, I'M GOING BACK UP TO MY ROOM TO DIE PEACEFULLY INSTEAD OF SHRIVELING UP ALL MOTHER FUCKING PRUNE-LIKE ON THE SIDEWALK LIKE A STRAY SQUIRREL'S DRIED UP NUTSACK. OUT-OF-MY-WAY." John laughed hysterically, blocking the doorway with his body and pushing at Karkat's shoulders to keep him beyond the door step. Karkat winced as he removed one of his hands from his face to batter away the laughing asshole's hands. John latched on and shoved, sending the slightly taller Karkat flailing backwards wailing and flailing his arms. John snapped the door shut and gripped Karkat's arm before he could reorient himself, heading quickly down the winding, rough, concrete path leading out of Karkat's yard.

Karkat stumbled but managed to turn around in time to regain his footing, relying on John's grip to hold himself steady as he was pulled along past the poisonous wilds the community hesitantly called his yard. Black and purple butterflies floated around them, swarming in their wake as they walked quickly by. Karkat squinted, holding his free hand up to shield his eyes, "Hold up dammit! I can't see worth shit and I think I've lost my feet." John turned slightly, continuing to drag Karkat along, "You have a strange way of using words, you know that?" John giggled (for what else can a young boy really do?) and shook his head, leading them past the final rows of sentinel thorn bushes and on to the public sidewalk.

Karkat glanced back at his yard and had the instantaneous moment of wonder at John's appearance at his doorstep. He'd had to have walked past the thorns, the carnivorous plants, the poisonous shrubs and flowers, and the tangled weeds, just to get to his door, where he had proceeded to effectively bully Karkat out of his own home. He must be one determined child, that's for sure.

John slowed slightly once they were free from the dangerous lawn, releasing his hold on Karkat's arm and falling into step beside him on his right. He hopped around a bit as he walked, never committing to a practiced pattern of movement that was usually common among humans, and swung his arms a little off-kilter, nearly bumping into Karkat several times. Once released, Karkat's movement slowed drastically, forcing John to slow down even more in order to stay by his side. Karkat muttered under his breath, rubbing his eyes and squinting forward. He suddenly realized that he had no fucking idea where they were going. Turning his head in order to appropriately squint at John, Karkat raised the arm closest to John to shade his face and propped the other on his hip. "Where are we going? You said you wanted to play...what exactly does that entail?" John glanced at him, a confused look crossing his face, "Wha? What does entail mean?" Karkat groaned and cursed his generation's educational system, which was obviously NOT doing it's job correctly.

He looked forward and noticed John herding him slightly off into the grass as they came up to the mailbox commonly used to separate house properties, leading them back between Karkat's house and his neighbor's; the obnoxiously brightly colored windowed house that was the reason for the heavy curtains in his room. Karkat stepped off the sidewalk and continued on into the general direction John seemed to be heading. "I mean, what are we doing? What is it that you wanted to do?" John grinned mischievously and skipped ahead a bit, turning around and hopping backwards in order to respond. "We, my new friend, are going to play a game! You'll enjoy it, I swear! It's the most bestest, funnest game, EVER!" he ended his sentence with a flourish, raising his arms and twirling around. Karkat watched his wind sock hat thing flutter around bemusedly, trooping along after him as they approached the back of the houses.

Beyond the two large houses at the end of the cul-de-sack was the forest, which began a little ways away from the end of the house's backyards, and continued on for as far as the eye could see. John led Karkat into the forest's shallows, and Karkat began to balk once more. Sure, it was darker due to the trees, but hell, they were in a fucking _forest_ for fucks sake, you know, where bears and evil creatures live. Karkat was _not_ going to die at the hands of some starving, diseased, rat-bear in the middle of nowhere.

John skipped around a few trees before noticing Karkat's apprehension. He frowned slightly before covering it up with a smile and hopping forward. "What's wrong? You uh...haven't changed your mind again...have you?" John clasped his hands behind his back lightly and rocked back on his heels, trying not to look disappointed. Karkat gave him a very unamused face, wishing he had pockets to tuck his hands into in order to more eloquently make his point through gesture. _Now_ he was worried about what Karkat wanted? Suuure. Lucky for him, that wasn't his problem at the moment, and he made sure to quickly make that obvious. He shifted his gaze from John into the depths of the woods behind him, squinting suspiciously, "Are we really going in _there_? You know...where there are dangerous animals and stuff?" John tilted his head in thought for a moment, his expression unreadable as he re-assessed the situation. Then he broke into another grin and nodded. "Yep! I know these woods like the back of my hand! And it wouldn't be fun if we ah...played...in the street..." a shadow seemed to cross John's face again and he appeared to be looking past Karkat's shoulder now.

Intrigued, and slightly concerned that John had been made unhappy twice in the past few minutes by something he really had no control over, Karkat turned to look behind him.

Well. That certainly wasn't expected.

* * *

**BWAHAHAHAHA! Cliff hanger much? Yeah...it's mostly cause it's 1:30 in the morning and I've been slowly working on this baby for-EVER, typing in little snippets here and there, and figured, WHAT THE HELL? WHY NOT JUST THROW IT OUT OF THE MOTHER'S NEST AND LET IT FLY FREE? Yeah. Haven't read through it, fixed it, or anything. This is purely original mind-babies. Unaltered and straight from my thoughts to the screen, without any sort of filter. So sorry if it's not up to par with anything...you were expecting or something. I'll get around to editing it in a bit, but I'm eager to type more of the sequelish part and the next chapter of this one. SO. See you next time, and THANK YOU for the few people who reviewed the first few bits! IT MADE ME VERY HAPPY THAT I WROTE THIS AT ALL! THANK YOU! For you, my dears, I shall try and turn this out as fast as grammatically possible.**


	4. Sickly Sweet

Oh. Well, that was unexpected.

A relatively plain-looking man wearig a crisp black hat and a dead-pan blank face peered at them from over the colorfully-obnoxious backyard fence that belonged to Karkat's neighbor. John and Karkat stood frozen, staring back at the man that was blatantly staring at them. The whole situation was...rather disturbing. The man didn't seem to need to blink.

They stood for a good five minutes staring at this man that Karkat did not recognize (He had yet to see his new neighbor, seeing as how he was such a herm-...How he stayed in the protective confines of his home like any other sane person should) until, out of the corner of his eye, he saw John recover somewhat and start to turn red and flustered. Surprised, and wondering what was going on (What kinda creepy old dude stares at kids from his backyard anyway?), Karkat turned his eyes to John and watched in fascination as the next scene unfolded.

John began to growl, which seemed completely out of place and unnatural coming from the...however old he was-boy, and bolted towards the fence flailing his arms wildly and yelling. Karkat's head turned to follow John's beeline towards the fence as he stood in slight shock, and he noticed that the man had changed in the few seconds he had averted his gaze. He was now balancing quite expertly a large silver platter over his head that held a huge, fluffy white cake with copious amounts of icing dripping down its sides. Where the hell had THAT come from? Karkat was stunned by this development only momentarily, John's shrieks of anger caught his attention soon enough.

"Oh my GOG! Put that AWAY! Get it out of here! You can't leave me in pastry-Crocker-free peace for ten minutes? SHEESH! How many times do I need to say it? I DON'T LIKE CAKE! I HATE IT! -No! I DON'T want it! Wait, get back, holy-what is THAT? NO, OH MY GAH-" John had flailed too close to the fence apparently, and it seemed like the man took that as a cue to slip through the nearby gate so fast Karkat almost didn't see it, and shove the cake into John's unwilling arms. Having expertly freed his hands of the platter into John's skinny little arms, this man then whipped out, from out of NOWHERE mind you, a giant-ass...Karkat couldn't find the word, but it looked a lot like a clown...A Jester! That was it! A giant fucking jester-plush-doll-thing had appeared in the blank man's arms and his attempts at shoving this new item at John was ultimately decimating the cake, which John had quickly improvised as a sort of shield.

Karkat was so confused by this point, and he had no fucking idea what the hell was going on, but it was obvious that this sort of interaction happened to John frequently-was the man a stalker? Dear jegus, his neighbor was a fucking PEDO-STALKER! Of little fucking BOYS! Holy shit-sticks. Karkat bristled with anger for some indeterminable damned reason. What did it have to do with him that the spaz had a creepy stalker thing going on? He'd practically just met the little fruitcake, so that bit was none of his business anyway. It was most likely because the dude had waltzed out of the irritating shit-shack of a house that unfortunately sat next to his own that he was getting so angry.

Groaning in frustration at his inner turmoil, Karkat moved slowly at first, getting his legs into gear, and rushed the fence back to John and the blank man with incredible speed in order to interfere with their stupid shove-fest. John was covered in icing, as was the jester doll and much of the fence beside them. Karkat tackled them from the side with a huge amount of force, trying to get them away from each other, and managed to get himself mashed in between the cake and the doll, getting covered in sickly sweet white icing in the process. John was babbling incoherently by now, and the blank man who had somehow escaped the splashing of icing on his stylish crisp business suit had yet to say a word.

"HOLY SHI-GUAHBLEGAUH!" Karkat squeezed his eyes shut to prevent icing mutilation of his precious corneas and quickly lost his balance being shoved back and forth between the two idiots. This. was. stupid. Beyond belief. Somehow, after several minutes of disoriented shoving, Karkat managed to keep hold of his brain for more than two seconds and the situation that he was now in was making him EXTREMELY upset. There was no cake left. It was all over the ground, his person, and the fucking stupid jester shit. John was basically pummeling his shoulder with a fucking metal platter. The creep pedo-fucker was beating him in the side of the head with giant-ass doll with those plastic eyes that hurt like a motherfucker when someone whips them at you. This. Was. Unacceptable.

Karkat opened his eyes after a cleaning swipe with his wrist and began shoving back with everything he had. Which included verbal power. "Take THIS you shit-faced pedo-fucker!" Karkat tugged the jester out of the man's willing hands and chucked it back as his face, throwing him off balance and on to the ground. The adrenaline of battle coursing through his sluggish, not-used-to-normal-activity blood, Karkat turned to John just in time to get the metal platter smacked into the side of his face. Dazed, Karkat tipped over on to the ground.

"You jerk! What the heck was that for! Hey, are you ok?" Karkat thought for sure that John had indeed just called the creepy pedo a jerk, and that he was now rushing to his battle weary side to tend to his oozing icing wounds and apologize for this shitty fuck-fest. But no. Karkat rolled over to his side and opened his eyes just enough to see the platter that was hurling once more at his face and just barely dodged it by sitting up. He had avoided the platter, but had caused the blood to rush from his wounded head and now he was dizzy AND sick. John leapt past Karkat to the still form of the pedo-fucker. Karkat held his head in his hands, trying to stop the spinning. What the fuck. Had just happened. Holy shit. Karkat winced as his hands touched the side of his face, and he glared at the fucker who had hit him with the platter.

John was kneeling by the pedo-fucked-blank-man, asking him if he was ok for the hundredth time. Fuck this. Karkat managed to get to his feet, and broodily started walking back between the houses to get to his front door, up to his room, take a shower, and go to sleep. No way in hell was he ever answering the fucking door again. Ever.

John looked up at Karkat's retreating figure and jumped up. "Hey! Where are you going?" Amazed that the little shit still thought he would stick around after getting a metal fucking platter to the face, Karkat slowly turned his head to stare in disbelief. "Where the fuck do you think I'm going? I'm going home asshole!" Karkat started to turn again but stopped when John yelled again. "Wait! I'm sorry! I just-..." John looked conflicted a moment, glancing between Karkat and the slug on the ground before pointing at said slug while looking at Karkat with a sheepish look on his face.

"This...is my dad. Dad, meet my new friend." The slug weakly raised one arm and waved feebly in Karkat's direction.

* * *

HOHOHO. TOTALLY FORGOT THAT KARKAT HADN'T TOLD JOHN HIS NAME YET. SO I FIXED IT. HELL YEAH. What a weird child, playing with a kid he doesn't know the name of...


End file.
